I was cursed six years ago. Cursed by fate and the curse was later reinforced by luck. I was cursed with indiscipline and procrastination and the aversion to work. When I look back, I could see myself working hard at around class 8. That time I was this one confident being with the weapon of hard work in hand, armed to take on the world. I didn’t dream big and mostly kept in what I thought was his lane, driving always. But then school happened, and then degradation came along. Canine became bovine. It was OK to merely pass since the ultimate aim was to have a good score in boards and competitive exams. I started bunking classes and missing test. The worst part was I started forgetting about the tests, which shows how unconcerned I was. But somehow people kept appreciating me, making me feel more than what I was. People, teachers, tutors have singled me out in the room and said you have great potential - I could remember at least three teachers saying that. It was a big mistake - I started to bunk severely, till the point where I was afraid to back and face the teacher with an attendance sheet. And evidently, I flunked my entrance tests. But I did somehow got a decent score in boards - again luck. I repeated for engineering and still luck - cleared JEE and NEET and AIIMS - that opened the flood gates of appreciation. The fake character built during that time stayed till this date.
However, IIT was no joke - but again I got lucky with the CPI and friends and specially roommate. Bhishma was a charm for me - if I wasn’t paired with him, I would have flunked. But this was a bane in disguise. I never studied for dilettantism; I studied since Bhisma was studying insanely. And that continued - I got a decent internship without any effort, I didn’t focus on improving any skills. I took courses and somehow got good grades - I could hack the exams if it is repetitive enough. I didn’t work at the internship, and the professor was so lovely, he never said anything. I got a scholarship based on SOPs written by my girlfriend. I got semester exchange smoothly, and then corona happened. I got a reason to slack. I could have done some excellent work with my project. But since I could make a case that I was in quarantine. I got a chance to slack, and finally, the project was terrible. I am sure due to the situation professors will be extra lenient - again a bane.
So here I am with no particular skill that I could think of, sitting for placements, sitting for GRE, applying to foreign universities. And the thing is many people, and my friends think that I am one of the most shorted people in the room. But internally there is constant fear - fear of failing and fear of revealing to everyone else how big of a loser I am. But still, I think this would be much easier now - for who knows when will my mask fall in future and reveal the penury of originality and skill of mine.